Chips That Heal

There was a recent news story that was picked up by several stations across the country resurrecting the idea of a link between cell phones and cancer. As before, there is no proof of any link between cancer and whatever emanations come out of cell phones. The story was focused on some neurosurgeons who believe there is a link between cell phones and brain cancer. This is not based on actual evidence, of course, just some anecdotal evidence. Doctors quoted in the piece said that people who use cell phones a lot complain of headaches and have difficulty concentrating and memory problems.

Again, no actual evidence provided. The hypothesis, though, is that microwaves coming out of cell phones basically cooks your brain. Never mind that the amount of radiation coming out of phones is much lower than it used to be. Just a bit of fear-mongering, I suppose.

But that fear-mongering does allow some people to line their pockets. I turn your attention to this nifty Web site, which promises to protect you from the vile energies escaping from your cell phone (and any other electronic device). BIOPRO offers, among other products, a Unversal EMF Harmonization Chip, which seems to:

function as a harmonizer, a mediator between potentially damaging electronics and human life.

The chip supposedly changes the energy vibrations coming out of electronic devices into vibrations that match the vibrations in our own bodies. They really like vibrations over at BIOPRO. The way the chip does this is by taking advantage of the quantum phenomenon of "entaglement," in which two particles will exhibit the same quantum characteristics even if they are separated by a great distance. The creator of this product obviously does not know how entanglement works. The chip somehow just magically entangles passing particles of energy, causing them to "vibrate" in a new way.

Of course, the site is also filled with a slavish devotion to the junk science of homeopathy, a cure-all similarly based on magic and wishful thinking. The idea behind that is that water can be "energized" and take on properties of certain substances. A homeopathic remedy is created by diluting a substance in water so much that none of the original substance remains. The water, good old H2O, has somehow been changed to contain the "energies" of the substance. Bizarre.

BIOPRO adopts the teachings of a certain Dr. Masaru Emoto, who claimed that liquid water has a crystalline structure that's, essentially, prettier when subjected to -- once again -- good vibrations. Water seems to like Mozart and Beethoven, but doesn't particularly enjoy heavy metal. It also will magically respond when words written on paper are taped to its container. You read that right. He actually claims that by taping the words "thank you" (or even the Japanese "arigato") to a glass of water, it will assume a crystalline structure.

So these people have no idea how liquids, especially water, actually behave. They make magic products that mystically synch energy to your own body's "vibrations." And they use, of course, tortured quantum mechanics to try to give some semblance of science to the whole thing.

The cost? A single chip for your cell phone costs $27.95. But a cordless phone needs two chips, a car needs three, and a microwave needs a whopping four chips to be safe! Based on BIOPRO's handy chart, I would need 44 chips to protect my household, which would cost me $1,229.80, plus shipping. Family packs are available that could cut that price.

But that's not all! The chips can only protect me from my own devices! What about when I'm out in the rest of the world, filled with all those harmful EM fields? Not to worry, BIOPRO has the QLink Pendant, which zaps those nasty fields. Only costs $269 each. Only $807 to protect my household. Of course, I wonder if I would still need the chips...

And then you need to buy the BIONutratonic Drink to undo any damage. A four-bottle case seems like quite the bargain for just $215.

It's amazing that a company can get away with selling junk like this. It's even more amazing that people buy them. But you see celebrities and athletes wearing magnets and titanium collars all the time. They claim that the devices give them amazing energy. Like they've never heard of a placebo effect before.

So even in a case like this, when all the pseudoscience can be shown to be completely wrong, people still believe it. The modern-day snake oil salesmen take advantage of the pervasive lack of critical thinking skills...